Wednesday, November 4, 2009

One Year

I can't believe it, but it has been a whole year since Jeremy passed. This year feels completely unreal. Like someone else was living my life and it totally was not me. It really wasn't me at all. I have changed in so many ways. Some good, some not so good, some wrong. I have just been going on instinct most of the year, and today it all caught up with me. I started feeling that hopeless careless depressed feeling that I felt last year. The odd thing is that things around me aren't hopeless. I have so much going for me and my family. I dont understand why I feel this way, when now I have everything that I had been hoping for. Human emotions are so incredibly odd that way.

I realize that I am an extremely lucky woman to have three husbands in one year. Who else in the world has had the love of three men in one year. I realize running off to Vegas was just a moment of insanity and rebellion, but hey, we all do crazy things in our lives, right?

It is so odd that Karl and I reconnected right at the time that we did. Crazy how things work out the way that they do. Karl took yesterday off of work to be with me. He didn't want me to do anything stupid, and I probably would have, had he not been there. Thank you Karl. I love you.

On a side note----I feel like the stupidest person. I finally took my explorer to the car wash to have Heber washed off of it. I wanted to get it vacuumed and the seats shampooed. I had the same thing done to my taurus and it was like 40.00. So I was expecting to pay around the same price. I took it somewhere different and find out it is 150.00. I was feeling stupid about that, but even stupider when I waited 3 freaking hours for it to get done. It was 3:30 and I needed to go pick up the twins from the bus stop so I went over to the people and demanded I have it back now because I had to leave. Only to find out that nothing had been done on the inside of my car!!! I unleashed my anger on this poor man. Melodee said,"mom I was scared, you went psycho"


Ana said...

Sara...i'm glad you got through okay...poor thing you have had the CRAZIEST year of YOUR LIFE...I can't even imagine what you've been through well i hope this year will be great for you and your new family .... luv ya ... take care..A