I had a dream about Jeremy Sunday night. He was porceline looking and I knew he was an angel, but I hugged him and I could feel him as if he were there and not in my dream. His chest was bare and it was perfect. Scar free and perfect. He told me he would never leave me. And he gave me the courage to make the change in my life that I needed. I have been so scared to raise my four kids alone that I rushed at the speed of light, into a marriage that neither of us was ready for. I know I am not alone in raising my babies. I have so many wonderful friends. I have my parents and I have Jeremy helping from above. I never have enough energy for them, but I do have enough love. Thank you so much to everyone. Jill, thank you for calling me all the time, it seems, right when I am falling apart, you are always there. Emily, thank you so much for texting me at all hours of the night. Tiffani, thank you for dropping everything and getting my kids because they are scared of the lightning. Rebecca, thank you for not saying "I told you so", even though you had every right. Mom and Dad, thank you for everything. David, thank you for loving me enough to leave me. Most of all thank you Melodee, Brandon, Cameron, and McKenzee for being forgiving of your crazy mother. I need to grieve Jeremy's loss. I never did. I just went numb. I need to be Sara, and I need to take care of myself.
McKenzee's 4th Birthday at the cabin. July 5th
The seven layer bean dip and Tostitos are David's.First of all, I went camping once when I was four or five. I don't remember it at all. That was the only time my family went camping as a kid. We never went again because it was a horrible experience. I didn't go to girls camp. I am not a roughing it kind of person. I live in Heber/Overgaard. Life is camping to me. So.......My boys birthday was Saturday, July 11. For their birthday last year, we took their cake and few presents down to the hospital and spent it with their dad in his hospital bed. Grandpa Jim wanted to make this a better birthday for those boys. HE DID! They won't ever forget it.
Friday, Jim came and picked the kids up at about 11:30. David waited for me to get off of work and we drove up together. It rained Friday night so we all slept in the fifth wheel. Early the next morning, Jim took the twins fishing at Reservation Lake. Mel and I went for a jog around the woods. We got back and got ready and went to look for the boys. We drove around for over an hour looking for them. Of course there was no service for our cell phones so we never found them and went back to the trailer. They showed up about an hour later and said they went to a different lake. Cameron was whining because he didn't catch any fish, but Brandon caught one. They ate it for dinner that night. David wasn't feeling good and I didn't sleep a wink the night before, so we took Kenz and Camme home. Mel and Brandon stayed with Grandpa and they slept Saturday night in a tent. Camme was worried about bears so he wanted to leave. Grandpa and Brandon didn't get attacked by a bear, just an elk. Brandon caught a total of three fish. So we know who will save us from starvation.
They want to go again. Thank you Grandpa Jim!!!
I need a vacation! Who wants to go with me? No kids, no phones, no men. Just relaxing and having a hot tan muscular man rub oil on our bodies while we tan ourselves in our bikinis on a sunny beach. Occasionally sip our icy drinks to keep us cool.... right. In my dreams. Well maybe someday, just not today.
