I had a dream about Jeremy Sunday night. He was porceline looking and I knew he was an angel, but I hugged him and I could feel him as if he were there and not in my dream. His chest was bare and it was perfect. Scar free and perfect. He told me he would never leave me. And he gave me the courage to make the change in my life that I needed. I have been so scared to raise my four kids alone that I rushed at the speed of light, into a marriage that neither of us was ready for. I know I am not alone in raising my babies. I have so many wonderful friends. I have my parents and I have Jeremy helping from above. I never have enough energy for them, but I do have enough love. Thank you so much to everyone. Jill, thank you for calling me all the time, it seems, right when I am falling apart, you are always there. Emily, thank you so much for texting me at all hours of the night. Tiffani, thank you for dropping everything and getting my kids because they are scared of the lightning. Rebecca, thank you for not saying "I told you so", even though you had every right. Mom and Dad, thank you for everything. David, thank you for loving me enough to leave me. Most of all thank you Melodee, Brandon, Cameron, and McKenzee for being forgiving of your crazy mother. I need to grieve Jeremy's loss. I never did. I just went numb. I need to be Sara, and I need to take care of myself.