Saturday, January 3, 2009

Two months

It's been two months since Jeremy passed away. I love that Rascal Flatts song, What hurts the most. The music video describes exactly how I feel. So does, Just a dream by Carrie Underwood.

Christmas seemed to last forever. I ended up taking Brandon to the ER on Christmas night. The abscess on his neck was getting worse. He was admitted and spent a week there. During that time, I had several anxiety attacks from the flood of emotions of memories of the endless hours I spent in hospital rooms with Jeremy. It was more than I could take. So my mom convinced me that it was time to move in with her. I agreed. I have loved my time in Heber. I love the friends that my children and I have made. But it is time to try and create a new normal for us. Normal in Heber was Jeremy there. It hasn't been the same since he left and it never will. I am going back to pack up and then we are moving to Mesa. I don't really know how I feel about it. I just feel like I want to disappear. I did, however, find that driving the freeways of Phoenix is very theraputic. I have done it twice and there is a healing feeling from driving fast with the radio blaring. Luckily gas prices have dropped.


Cicily said...

What the blog? I didn't even know you were blogging. Well, I'm glad I found it and a, even more glad you are moving to Mesa!!

The Lowes said...

You are doing wonderfully terrific as far as I'm concerned. You have past some huge trials and jumped through hurdles amazingly. I am praying for you Sara! I love you!