study

Im trying to study for my org chem final and I am at a loss.......Why does it have to be comprehensive? I knew a lot of this stuff, but I can't remember all the freakin rules anymore....AHHHH I just needed to vent a little before I exploded with frustration.

two and a half finals to go

Only two and a half finals to go and I have finished my first semester at ASU!!! YAY!!! ( one of my finals is two parts and they are both online, I did the first part, so that's where the half comes from) I'm pretty excited for myself. I really didn't know that I had it in me to do the kinds of things that I did. I get a three week break and then start back on June 1st with summer school.

CONGRATULATIONS to my brothers Nate, Sam, and Jake for putting in the time this semester too! Nate is finally finished with his residency and moving to Arizona for a job. Sam is graduating law school in a couple weeks and then moving to South Bend for a job. And Jake is finishing his semester at ASU with me. He graduates in December. (Becca, come to school with me. Jason, get your butt home and in college so I won't be the only student in the family.) As it is right now, I will graduate in Fall 2011.

Hiking

We went hiking up the Superstition mountain today. We made it about half way up with the three younger kids. Mel went on a camp hike with the YW instead. Cameron talked the entire time up and back. Brandon made friends with every lizard and other hikers on the trail. Cameron told everyone he was so glad that he wore his hat because it was keeping him dark.

tough cosmos

After a suggestion from my cousin, Aaron, and encouragement from my family, I started going to ARP meetings. It has brought alot of peace to my life and has also opened my eyes to other things. I thought image was everything, but now I am like who the hell cares? Personally, Cosmo I have something to say to you and your magazines...I love my breast size the way it is. I don't care that I am only a 34B padded push up bra, I think I look really cute in my shirts with my little bumps. Why do I NEED to increase it a size or two. So what if I have to purchase my bikini tops in the little girl section and my bikini bottoms in the super large! I think I look sexy. Never looked better. I don't want to kill my self to be the size 2 that you tell me to be. I'm quite happy with my medium size. Get over it Woman's World! I like being a pear shape....pears are succulent and delicious. Who wouldn't want to be one?

On a side note, Do I really need you to tell me 30 things I can do with a naked man? I mean come on? How hard is that to figure out. And honestly, how do you know what sex positions I have and haven't tried?

.........I still have a long way to go to be in recovery, but I am progressing. Relying on the Lord is the key to recovery, but isn't that the true key to life?

ASU

So when I came to a crossroad in life in August, I decided that I needed to finish my education. I started at ASU on January 19th. It is kind of odd being there and I have to remind myself that I am like ten years older than most of these kids. I am feeling like I am young again. I guess since I had to grow old in my twenties, because of the experiences that life threw at me, that I get to experience youth in my thirties. Yay! I think the biggest adjustment is that I realized that I am not "needed" as much as I used to be. EVERYONE depended on me to do everything for them. Jeremy, Melodee, Kenz, the twins.....now they are way more independent than they used to be. They are more stable and aren't leaching on me all the freakin time. Karl doesn't need me to do everything for him. He is quite healthy and capable of sustaining life with out me. It leaves me with all this time to focus on my school work.......strange how that works out. At least I still need me.

Happy New Year!!!

I am so relieved to say good-bye to 2009. I hope to make the most of 2010. It is looking promising for now. I start school on Jan. 19. My kids have settled into their new lives. They are so happy to have their mom back. 2009 I flipped out and I have finally come back. I am working through the consequences of my actions from this past year. Its not easy and I still have set backs. We are so lucky to have Karl. He is awesome! He needs to desensitize his sense of smell or he might die from little boy smell and urine. I am going to go make some cookies, they sound super delish right now.

One Year

I can't believe it, but it has been a whole year since Jeremy passed. This year feels completely unreal. Like someone else was living my life and it totally was not me. It really wasn't me at all. I have changed in so many ways. Some good, some not so good, some wrong. I have just been going on instinct most of the year, and today it all caught up with me. I started feeling that hopeless careless depressed feeling that I felt last year. The odd thing is that things around me aren't hopeless. I have so much going for me and my family. I dont understand why I feel this way, when now I have everything that I had been hoping for. Human emotions are so incredibly odd that way.

I realize that I am an extremely lucky woman to have three husbands in one year. Who else in the world has had the love of three men in one year. I realize running off to Vegas was just a moment of insanity and rebellion, but hey, we all do crazy things in our lives, right?

It is so odd that Karl and I reconnected right at the time that we did. Crazy how things work out the way that they do. Karl took yesterday off of work to be with me. He didn't want me to do anything stupid, and I probably would have, had he not been there. Thank you Karl. I love you.

On a side note----I feel like the stupidest person. I finally took my explorer to the car wash to have Heber washed off of it. I wanted to get it vacuumed and the seats shampooed. I had the same thing done to my taurus and it was like 40.00. So I was expecting to pay around the same price. I took it somewhere different and find out it is 150.00. I was feeling stupid about that, but even stupider when I waited 3 freaking hours for it to get done. It was 3:30 and I needed to go pick up the twins from the bus stop so I went over to the people and demanded I have it back now because I had to leave. Only to find out that nothing had been done on the inside of my car!!! I unleashed my anger on this poor man. Melodee said,"mom I was scared, you went psycho"