Vent

I am sorry but I have to vent again......I am just so full of emotions and it feels good to just put them into words on my blog for me to read later and say,"Wow. I was upset." I am so angry at Jeremy today. Just so angry. I know it's not his fault he died, but he got out easy. I lived for eleven years in hell too. He suffered physically beyond our comprehension. I suffered too. I watched him, wanting to be close to him, wanting to take his pain away, wanting to have a satisfying intimate husband and wife relationship and he just pushed me away over and over again. It hurt so bad. It hurts even worse now. He told a counsellor once that his goal was to sabbotage our marriage so I would leave him because I deserved better than what he could give me. Yeah I know, What the HECK? I am sitting here thinking, Why did I work so hard at something that he was trying to ruin?.....because where I am now sucks even worse than that did....that's why I stuck with it.

My kids all miss their daddy so much and I can't make it better for them except to just hold them when they cry. I want so much to have a passionate exciting relationship. Something that I haven't had in years. Everyone says,"just give it time" or "your turn will come" I want to tell all those people to SHUT UP!!!! Who wants to wait and hurt until that "magical" time comes! It's true that time does heal alot of wounds, but that does not help me any today. Here is a saying to remember when you don't know what to say to someone who is hurting....If you can only say something trite, don't say anything at all!